Dysphoria
by FloodFeSTeR
Summary: He met her on the thirty first day. - Spock/OC - Drabbles -
1. Chapter 1

_I was originally going to use the idea for the video game Skyrim, but then Spock got stuck in my head. I hope ypu all enjoy this little filler for my absence with Ascension: Act I_

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**_Day 1_**

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He didn't see the sunlight for a long time.

Shades drawn, door locked, television off, lights low, he spent the better part of three months locked away in the darkness. He rarely ate, he began to look sickly. Many of his 'friends' came to check on him, try to get him to open that door, but he turned them away. Lieutenant Uhura was thr most stubborn and the least person he wanted to see. She had caused enough grief.

With a sigh and a heavy heart, be would make his way into the bedroom, sleep through another nightmare and be up to sin that chair like he did everyday. He knew where it was without sight. Three steps into the living room, turn right, two steps then a left and there it was, waiting for him.

It was a welcomed friend.

One he despised, loathed.

Because it was hers.

It was...it was always hers...


	2. Chapter 2

_First thirty chapters will be about this long, posting maybe every other day, and will mainly involve Spock until the thirty first chapter._

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**_Day 2_**

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Standing in the center, facing forward, he stared at the empty plain with unfazed eyes. Fingers twitched, muscles rolled and he smiled, if ever-so-slightly.

"Hello darkness," he murmured, stepping forward. "My old friend."

It made for an eerie image, but he embraced the tendrils happily, his smile turning manic. Was this it? Was this the moment _he _would be take , whisked to a plain of oblivion? Of course not, but he could cloud his own judgement, beg for that release and pretend he eas there, by that ivory side with a smile on his face. At then, her head wouldn't be caved in, wouldn't be rotting and oh so lovely.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Day 3**_

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'You need to get out.'

If only they understood how difficult it was.

'We loved her too, Spock.'

No, no they didn't.

'You're the one that didn't love her.'

Then why did it hurt?

'She fed that cruel ego of yours, the one she helped build.'

Liars.

'You know it's true. We all do. You didn't love her.'

Yes he did!

'No...no, you don't hurt someone you love.'

Where had he heard that you always hurt the ones you love the most?

'Nkt like that, Spock. You don't do those kinds of things -'

He knew...he didn't really, but he didn't wanna hear those words anymore.

They were giving him a headache.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Day 5**_

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A wise woman once wrote, 'Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.'

Spock feared the idea.

How could he move on when she haunted his dreams? When her death was still so fresh?

Uhura spoke likeshe knew the pain, telling him his deceased wouldn't want him to grieve as he was.

Spock had looked her dead in the eye, smiled and spoke as he hadn't.

Ever.

"Get the fuck out of my home."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Trust me, it gets better. Starts to pick up in the next few chapters. I don't want the break to be too long either. I'm trying to get a new battery as we speak.**_

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**_Day 6_**

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His fingers tapped rapidly on the table top.

He looked to the clock.

12:43 a.m.

Kirk said 1:00 a.m.

Spock had little patience.

He looked back out the window, watching the lights over the city. He hated how he liked the city.

He lifted his head, hearing a knock. His heart picked up its pace and he stood, pressing his hands into his pants. Nervous? Oh Gods, what was wrong with him?

He opened the door, saw Kirk leaning against the doorframe with a crooked smile.


	6. Chapter 6

**_No, the days are not going in order. I will skip around here and there, just so there is no confusion. But it will be awhile before we get to Day 31._**

**_And must I say that, despite the lack of reviews - but a huge thank you to the people that have reviewed - I am just pleased by the amount of people actually reading this. I mean, really, thank you for giving it the time of day._**

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**_Day 7_**

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His head was thumping.

His heart was racing.

He hated James Tiberius Kirk.

He leaned towards his coffee, long fingers wrapping tightly around the ceramic mug.

He normally didn't drink coffee, but it was necessary. The caffeine would take his mind off of the thrumming in the back of his skull. So much pain. Between his eyes mostly, but the pain in the back of his head was obviously the most painful.

"Never again," he muttered, hearing James coming from the bathroom.

"Not like you were complaining last night."

Spock glared at Kirk, the one person he let in after all this time. Kirk had forced Spock to let him crash on the lumpy sofa – which was more uncomfortable than most concrete floors he had slept on – after he had pulled Spock out for a night on the town.

It was no easy task.

"Well I am complaining now," Spock muttered. "Please leave now."

Kirk paused halfway towards the couch, his right foot hovering above the carpet, and then he looked over at the back of Spocks head. His back was hunched and Kirk could actually see bits of gray peeking through the ebony hair on his head.

Spock needed help.

He needed help from more than the crew.

He needed…Spock.


End file.
